Well, it has been a while hasn’t it? I bet you were beginning to worry that I’d given up my goal or got sucked into the laziness of summer. A little bit of both happened, but I’ve also been training as much as I can. I’m still dedicated, even when my confidence wanes and I begin to doubt myself. I’ve parted ways with my running “coach” and am going it alone. He’s training quite a few other runners for the race and I’m not up to their strength and speed. Plus I think it is insane to wake up at 3:30 in the morning to get in a long run or get left behind at 5 am because the group has started out too fast. Even knowing that I will catch up with them means nothing, If I’m running through the streets in the dark alone. WIth that group, every run turned out to be a tempo run for me and it wasn’t fun. Running for me is fun, it is my escape, it helps me to process things and remain centered. When it is no longer fun, I will stop running. Having a car full of people waiting for me as I try to shake the delirious/sleeping feeling from me and bailing because I’m to drunk with sleep to put my shoes on right, along with the guilt of keeping people waiting, started to make running a chore rather than a reward.
I’m off to a rocky start, but I think it is best for my confidence. Don’t you think? I can then say that I did this on my own. Sure I’ll miss his tips and wisdom and the runs on the beach. But I will not miss the multiple phone calls at 2:30 in the morning or constantly being left behind and feeling inept. Unless you are an elite runner, running a marathon is a race against your self and that’s how I’d like to keep it.
Hi, first and most important is that you have not given up and you are OK.Once again I was truly concerned when I did not see a new post and you did not answer my e mail. I am not certain that a rocky start is as you suggest good for your confidence. I can say that the fact that you have not given up in the face of difficulties is a sure sign of your resolve and determination. You are one very tough and determined young lady. Those who enter the race are often heard to say that their goal was to finish. I am not a coach nor have I been able to run more than a couple of miles but it appears that the coach no matter how well intentioned failed to consider the ability of those he coached. You are your own best coach and your own bestnjudge of your abilities. For that reason I agree you did this on your own is the right assessment. I should note that while I am not a running coach imdo offer the greatest rubdown of your life. Hey I have not given up either.